None of us are free until all of us are free!
this living stuff...
I think anyone who is remotely aware of his or her humanity can relate to the feeling that this living stuff isn't always easy. Sure, life is what you make of it. But for that saying to mean anything takes a highly positive outlook. Such a perspective takes time to cultivate. And without that perspective, the world is a scary place, fraught with coldness and complexity. Or maybe it's just me.
Unfortunately my way of dealing with all this has mostly been to hide. I suspect that there are millions of other "under-achievers" who are the same way, people merely wondering what they're doing on this planet. Overtime I've come to appreciate that hiding doesn't get your far. In particular it doesn't impress potential employers or dates, and the banks certainly don't care about your existential crisis when college loan payments are due. Now I can't say I regret years of hiding (and in all honesty continued hiding), because doing so is what taught me the difference between existing and living. I appreciate understanding of why to live. Nevertheless, I'm still reaping what I've sewn, that being a whole lot of nothing.
So I am gradually starting my forays into the world with a modicum of bravery mixed with heaps of anxiety. My deep intuition dictates that the more I live, the more support I'll receive to live. Currently, I'm not living much. Despite being out of college for awhile, I'm still at the parents' house. It doesn't take much to sustain staying in my room, so the Universe hasn't provided much. I've felt a calling to little opportunity, and even less of that has actually materialized. Interestingly enough, my part time job as a youth mentor makes me about enough money to cover my minimum monthly loan payments, my biggest expense.
Using techniques in part developed by the Lightworkers Intensive Workshop, the resounding message I've received is to live more. The more that is needed, the more will be provided. Take a big leap! Most concretely--move out. Currently I have the money to move out, but not the money to stay moved out. The logic of the Universe points that this is only an issue to my security-worried mind, but is otherwise an illusion. It's just a matter of proving it to myself, which will take concrete action. Something that is a bit of a challenge.
And the reason for saying all this? I don't really know. It's partially venting, mixed with an attempt to strengthen my inner-voice, and a glimmer of hope that this will spark something good. Mostly I feel the need to admit that cultivating light means dealing with darkness.
Unfortunately my way of dealing with all this has mostly been to hide. I suspect that there are millions of other "under-achievers" who are the same way, people merely wondering what they're doing on this planet. Overtime I've come to appreciate that hiding doesn't get your far. In particular it doesn't impress potential employers or dates, and the banks certainly don't care about your existential crisis when college loan payments are due. Now I can't say I regret years of hiding (and in all honesty continued hiding), because doing so is what taught me the difference between existing and living. I appreciate understanding of why to live. Nevertheless, I'm still reaping what I've sewn, that being a whole lot of nothing.
So I am gradually starting my forays into the world with a modicum of bravery mixed with heaps of anxiety. My deep intuition dictates that the more I live, the more support I'll receive to live. Currently, I'm not living much. Despite being out of college for awhile, I'm still at the parents' house. It doesn't take much to sustain staying in my room, so the Universe hasn't provided much. I've felt a calling to little opportunity, and even less of that has actually materialized. Interestingly enough, my part time job as a youth mentor makes me about enough money to cover my minimum monthly loan payments, my biggest expense.
Using techniques in part developed by the Lightworkers Intensive Workshop, the resounding message I've received is to live more. The more that is needed, the more will be provided. Take a big leap! Most concretely--move out. Currently I have the money to move out, but not the money to stay moved out. The logic of the Universe points that this is only an issue to my security-worried mind, but is otherwise an illusion. It's just a matter of proving it to myself, which will take concrete action. Something that is a bit of a challenge.
And the reason for saying all this? I don't really know. It's partially venting, mixed with an attempt to strengthen my inner-voice, and a glimmer of hope that this will spark something good. Mostly I feel the need to admit that cultivating light means dealing with darkness.
Comment
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Comment by Kym McBride on May 1, 2009 at 11:36am - WOW Chris! I'm blown away by your honesty and depth (not that I didn't sense them all along) but to hear you say it (or write it) in such a way - blows me away! I'm so proud of you - some people twice your age can never see them selves so clearly. But know that you are not alone in this ability to hide - I have done it on and off my whole life (before my opening up to spirit - I LIVED in hiding in so many ways) but even AFTER my opening (my first Lightworker Intensive class - with is my AFTER) I still find that I can isolate and at time outright hide! But if there is one positive thing I can say is that I hide LESS and isolate LESS - the more I "jumped in". We HAVE to risk, but we don't have to be stupid....there IS A DIFFERENCE! something that just popped in (butted in really) was the idea that you find a MENTOR. Someone that you can talk with at least once a week, that can give you some baby steps to follow to the goals that you want to achieve. I don't know who that is, but it should be someone that YOU admire - they need to be at a level that you want to reach for.....ask spirit and they will reveal. Good luck!
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Comment by Jami Masters on December 30, 2008 at 7:52pm
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Dear Chris,
Maybe you are to be with the youth to guide them to the truth of a Loving God and not to fear him, after all they are our future, dogma has kept us down long enough, it time we hunker down and tell the youth what we know to be the truth. Just a thought. You don't have to push ,however I believe they have a few questions of their own. Good luck my friend, I know this will also HELP you in your growth and journey.
Your friend in LIFEand SFTER! See you when you get there!!! Jami Masters
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Comment by Linda Schiller-Hanna, HOST on September 15, 2008 at 11:46pm -
Dear Chris,
A saying that has helped me is: "The world is as hard as the heart
is hard."
Have you read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
by Dale Carnegie?
Have you read: "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent
Peale?
Have you read: The Magnificent Obsession by Lloyd C. Douglas?
All those books I read about the time I was your age and they each
helped me get out of my self and into expressing my love to others more.
You'll make it. So truly glad you shared with us today. Its a treat
to read this. And you're not alone!
Love and light
Linda S.
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Comment by Linda Kwarciany on September 7, 2008 at 10:23pm
- Man, you are so profound, you scare me. 3 fingers, then 2 fingers, 1finger - Yes, you can jump in deep water and swim wonderfully.
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